God Must Change You First!

It is easy to point the finger at another person in a marriage crises or divorce, but God wants to change you.

It is not our own effort that will change us. We may have no more human love to give, being too hurt for too long.  However, if you have Christ you have all His Love that can flow through you.  This Love is not like the old human love, but is the pure sweet Love of God himself that will heal your hurts and work in you prodigal spouse:

1Cr 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Here’s a good resource –


If they don’t believe the word, try winning without words. Let your life do the talking. If your life doesn’t shine with the reality of God working in you, then nothing you say will have any effect. But if your life does exhibit God’s transforming power, your spouse is sure to notice the difference.

Does this mean your husband or wife will be happy about the new you? Not necessarily. Even if you’re more loving, kind, and considerate than you ever were before, your spouse may become more troubled and angry than ever. But that’s not all bad. Lee Strobel explains from his own experience:

If you had asked me back then why I was so mad, I probably couldn’t have told you. Now, as I look back, I can pinpoint the root of my rage. Basically, as Leslie pursued a godly lifestyle more and more, her behavior increasingly accentuated the difference between that lifestyle and my own.

In other words, the more she sought after purity, integrity, honesty, tolerance, and forgiveness, the more obvious it became that my own life and relationships were corroded with cynicism, bitterness, superficiality, and self-centeredness. It was as if Leslie were unwittingly holding up a mirror and I was seeing myself for how I really was, and I didn’t like the picture. The Bible calls it being convicted of sin, and it made me angry because I didn’t want to face it.

The Strobels’ experience shows that loving, godly behavior by a Christian spouse doesn’t always produce a pleasant reaction. Their experience also shows that there’s no need for a Christian to criticize an unbelieving spouse. Why should you harp on things your spouse is doing wrong? Just depend on God to make you more and more like Jesus, and the contrast between your life and your spouse’s will do more to show him his sin than any words you could say. This may stir up negative emotions that are no fun for either of you, but such turbulence may be a step in a journey that leads to Christ.